Christie Corruptapalooza – when heroes fall it’s always hardest on the kids

Until this weekend, nobody knew who the hell Kim Guardagno, the heretofore completely anonymous Lt. Governor of NJ was. Even Kim Whatsername’s mother probably didn’t know who she was until Hoboken mayor Dawn Zimmer brought her daughter out of Christie’s long dark shadows. Welcome to the party Kim! It was quite a coming out, wasn’t it?

‘Tis a shame. Cause Kim Whosiwhatsis may have been the Luckiest Woman in New Jersey. Every vote for Christie for re-election last Nov. was a vote for Kim Mysterioso to be the next governor! It’s not a secret, but NOBODY – nobody besides Polislice, anyway –  talked about the fact that because of NJ law, Christie (f/k/a the Luckiest Man in America) would have had to resign his cushy office in Trenton in order to fulfill his sacred destiny and run for the presidency. So Kim Thingamajiggy would have inherited Christie’s bully pulpit (and key to the Cheetos cabinet) sometime in 2015 at the latest. People would have woken up one day to find a complete stranger was the incumbent governor, able to run for the office on her own in 2017. So fortunato.

Even if Christie’s once golden ship completely crashes and burns on the shoals of Fort Lee, Kimmy Questionmark could still have won Trenton Idol upon his forced resignation, should that tragedy befall NJ, God have mercy on our souls. Could have. Until it came out that she, allegedly, is a part of the Christie administration because she’s just as comfortable with strong arm tactics and disingenuous self-boosterism as everybody else in Christie’s powerful gravitational orbit.

So pity poor Kim. She thought she was going to be moving on up the ladder to a better job and brighter horizons pretty soon. Now her absolute BEST case scenario is she stays Lt. Gov. for 4 more years. WORST case scenario: um, jail.

But who do I feel even sorrier for than Kimmy G? Poor Mika and Joe (a/k/a Squint & the Meat Puppet). The power couple hosts of the weekday morning gasbagfest on MSNBC drool over Chris Christie in ways that probably even make Mary Pat a little nauseous. But the romance is supposedly over.

An on-air romance blossomed, forged over chummy strolls along the Jersey Shore and heart-to-hearts in the studio about everything from overeating to education, embodying the aisle-crossing aspirations of this partisan era.

Now, as anybody who actually watches MSNBC knows, Morning Joe is completely untethered to the MSNBC mothership piloted by Captain Maddow in prime time. Morning Joe is Fox and Friends Lite with a heavy dose of very serious centrist sauce. So I’m sure nobody is more hurt than Squint and the Meat Puppet about the Governor taking his ball and not playing with MSNBC.

They were going to make him President of the United States and he would have made them First Morning Show. Every smart centrist policy announcement to demolish the middle class and bring the poor to full indentured servitude could have been on their show. They could have been Leni Riefenstahl to Christie’s…um, that guy she cinematically fluffed. But now they are stuck in the middle not knowing whether to stay with Daddy despite his cratering ambitions, or go with Mommy, their employer that Daddy is no longer having relations with.

One could criticize Christie for inappropriately putting Blondie and the Blow Dry in the middle. But they usually love the middle so very much.

Update: Apparently the kids chose Daddy. Oy.

In the comments Sharksbreath asks:

When Christie does his perp walk. Will they wear T shirts that say “Free Christie”

Inquiring mInds want to know.

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