Chris Christie – For Gestational Crates, Against Bestiality, Conflicting Messages Given in Iowa

Gov. Chris “Marginalized Man Walking” Christie, (f/k/a “Damaged Goods”) made news in his home state before his first debate appearance at the so-called “kid’s table” by vetoing a bill that would make it easier to vote, ’cause that’s what Republicans do for other Republicans.  Even if Christie’s political career ends when he leaves the structurally reinforced governor’s chair, why should the Republicans who supported him have to worry about 1.6 million more potential voters? Yipes, that wouldn’t help Republicans.  Bernie Sanders may call such politicians “political cowards” but our hallowed system calls them “winners in November” and that’s what matters by jiminy!

New Jersey currently ranks 39th in the country in both percentage of eligible voters who are registered and percentage of voters who actually case a ballot, according to NJWF. The state does not allow in-person early voting, but requires citizens who want to cast an absentee ballot early to apply for one at an election official’s office. New Jersey also does not permit online voter registration, something that is allowed in 33 other states.

And that’s the way the GOP likes it.  That is how the GOP has an outsized presence in a profoundly blue state.

But Christie didn’t just veto voting and go get a gluten free snack.  He did get such a snack eventually, but first he signed a law that bans bestiality in NJ. A law which, to Christie’s credit, is more bipartisan than his anti-voting veto. While not all animal fuckers are Republican, all Republicans are animal fuckers, or something like that.  So he’s bound to have some backlash from his own party.  Certainly libertarians will have something to say about the intrusion of big government in man-animal relations.  And for Christians who believe in man’s dominion over animals, we will likely see this solidify their support of Ben Carson or Ted Cruz, who have taken no stand on pre- or post-marital animal relations.

Fellow kids’s table debate denizen Rick Santorum, curiously, never actually denounced any such activity, he merely said it was an inevitable stop on the slippery slope after gay marriage.  Like plural marriage.  Plural marriage with animals is inevitable. Wouldn’t be fair to Checkers the dog if you married Jazz the cat and made Checkers a 3rd wheel.  It’s just awkward for everybody.

Iowa pig farmers (“Big Pork”) who applauded Christie’s veto of gestational crates for pigs, may have to rethink their support for Christie, who is clearly a squish on rural entertainment rights.

This could also have repercussions for law enforcement, who may see this as just another ill of society criminalized and dumped on their plates.  Will they get training on how to deal with animal victims?  What does a rape kit for a sheep entail? But a larger problem for Christie is that this law may be seen as another attack on the already besieged police.

Law enforcement authorities had previously prosecuted such cases under the state’s animal cruelty statutes. But in 2009, animal cruelty charges were dropped against a former police officer accused of sexually molesting cows because prosecutors could not prove the animals were harmed.

Another case of a police officer getting off because of the reticence of the system to find police guilty of criminal activity? Is this more evidence that #FarmLivesMatter has an important societal point?

With this denunciation of man on dog or box turtle (or insert your favorite sexy animal here) mischief, Christie once again shows his elitist tendencies — animal cruelty by wealthy pig ranchers in an important early voting state is clearly just part of sainted agribusiness (all hail Big Pork!). While animal cruelty by some lonely hayseed who couldn’t get a nibble on is a crime.

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