It’s the most ubiquitous cliche in photography, the half naked model with lit cigarette sticking out of her mouth. But I can’t figure out why this is supposed to be sexy, or even not disgusting.

I can’t even wrap my head around the idea that during the photo shoot somebody said: here put this lit cigarette in your mouth and just sort of barely hold it there, like you couldn’t care less about smoking it.

You’re so relaxed it’s that close to falling out of your mouth.  You are so over this cigarette you’re just letting it burn between your lips. You are too busy being sexy to worry about hot ash falling on you.

You don’t care so much that you are dead in the eyes. Oh cigarette and dead eyes, like a shark but smoking! Smoking shark so hot!

If we could just add a needle in your arm.  Perfect! Can we do that? You just got out of rehab? We’ll get a stunt addict.

Dude you want in on this? Cigarettes are not sexist!

I don’t know Dieter, he’s not got it, his eyes are slits, but not a smoking shark, he looks awake.  Kate, show him how to do.

Yes, there’s my girl, sleep smoking. So sexy. Who can beat that?

Ew, seriously? Too much! Brooke what have you got?

You’re fired Brooke, sorry. Who else?

I think you are mocking me! Are you making the mock? I’m done! Clear the studio. Somebody open a window! Dieter, get my cigarette!