Some strong candidates, as usual, because there’s no end to the stupid.
We honor weekly asshole emeritus Donald Trump for his continuous effort to take assholery to historic proportions. Arguably his greatest contribution this week was his obvious slime campaign against previous BFF, fellow candidate leading in Iowa and asshole extraordinaire Ted Cruz. It’s pretty widely known that Cruz was born in Canada to, an allegedly American mother, which makes him American, so they say. But Birther Trump threw shade at Cruz by intimating that the legalities are’t so clear and maybe Cruz would face legal challenges if he were the nominee. Trump did this with his usual “I’m not saying, I just hear the chatter around me and I hear some people are saying this thing that makes you look bad. I’m concerned about you.” He’s so obvious it’s hilarious, but the media laps up Trump’s nonsense like a dog eating its own vomit.
Nevertheless, our first candidate for asshole of the week is Ted Cruz, Trump’s “victim.” Feel no sympathy for Cruz dear Polislicer. Whatever crap Trump can lump on him is deserved and welcome. For Cruz is a Republican Senator from Texas that is hated by everybody, even other Republican Senators (and especially his old college roommates). Frankly, he’s always a good candidate for asshole of he week because Cruz makes even the smarmiest of weasels feel superior to him. Cruz earned his nomination coming up with a weird and creepy analogy for how voters should handle Hillary Clinton.
“In my house, if my daughter Katherine, says something she knows to be false, she gets a spanking,” he said.
“Well, in America the voters have a way of administering a spanking.”
“There will be accountability for Benghazi,” Cruz promised. We will answer the question of who did what and why, and anyone who did wrong will be held accountable.”
So many assholic levels here. 1. spanking his daughter is nasty, and talking about it to pander to conservatives who like a man who spanks his daughter is nastier; 2. the imagery of conservatives pulling down Hillary Clinton’s pants and spanking her like a child was the purpose of his language and is weird as fuck; and 3. every assertion that after every investigation we still don’t know things about Benghazi and those things we don’t know (that we DO know) are something scandalous that Hillary Clinton did and will be spanked for is the zenith of propagandistic dishonesty. Cruz is just disgusting, all… the… time.
And what’s more, his mother may not have been an American citizen after all when he was born, which would be hilarious. His mother was a Canadian citizen as of 1974. Cruz was born in 1970. So this does bear looking into, if you think Cruz might lie about these things. Fuck yeah!
But the clear, decisive and really quite undisputed asshole of the week is Maine Gov. Paul LePage for some unfathomable blather. Reminder: Maine elected this asshole and then re-elected him. Maine.
“These aren’t the people who take drugs,” LePage said, in comments first picked up by the Portland Press Herald. “These are guys with the name D-Money, Smoothie, Shifty. These type of guys. They come from Connecticut and New York, they come up here, they sell their heroin, then they go back home. Incidentally, half the time they impregnate a young, white girl before they leave, which is a real sad thing because then we have another issue we’ve got to deal with down the road.”
Mostly no comment necessary, but here’s a good one.