Lots of very funny, tough stuff in this review by Jay Rayner in the Guardian – mostly black, like nightmares.

There is only one thing worse than being served a terrible meal: being served a terrible meal by earnest waiters who have no idea just how awful the things they are doing to you are. And so, to the flagship Michelin three-star restaurant of the George V Hotel in Paris, or the scene of the crime as I now like to call it. In terms of value for money and expectation Le Cinq supplied by far the worst restaurant experience I have endured in my 18 years in this job. This, it must be said, is an achievement of sorts.

Just a sample:

The dining room, deep in the hotel, is a broad space of high ceilings and coving, with thick carpets to muffle the screams.

Brilliant and brilliantly cruel.