Obviously someone who has been through the terrible crucible of being naked with Donald Trump also naked (I’ll give you a moment)… deserves our pity and respect.

But first, respect.  Daniels is a legit porn star.  That term gets bandied about a lot and applied to many an adult performer who has done nothing more than appear as the 5th girl in one orgy scene.  To the greater world if you appeared in one video you are a “porn star” like every run of the mill model is hyperbolized up to “supermodel”.  Daniels has been the lead in hundreds of videos!  She’s a true porn star!! Porn superstar, one could say without fear of contradiction!  Her studio, Wicked, has released compilation videos of her greatest hits like:  “Stormy’s Favorites” and “Bikini Kitchen, Best of Stormy”, they only do that for the 100 or so top women in the industry and by industry I mean the business.  People say that a lifetime achievement award from the industry is almost a given for her after her retirement – the highest honor from the AVN who blessed her with their Best New Starlet award in 2004 and Contract Star of the Year in 2007.  She’s a perennial Best Breasts nominee.  That’s who she is – legit!

So Trump met Stormy around the time Melania was pregnant with Barron and in the next year, while his fifth child was being raised by his third wife, he had his umpteenth affair with the accomplished Ms. Daniels.  Last year during that election thingy that Trump ran in and won the Presidency of the United States of America (Electoral College), Trump’s legal protector, Michael Cohen, paid Ms. Daniels $130,000 for her to keep their story private – as any great love story should be given who it might hurt.

“Ugh, here we go,” thought Daniels. She described the sex as “textbook generic.”

In the print version of the magazine, Daniels expanded further, describing the sex as “nothing crazy. It was one position, what you would expect someone his age to do.” She also said that they did not use protection, which, the magazine reported, “is unlike her.”

A source tells The Daily Beast that the full, unedited interview that will run later this week is 5,500 words of “cray.”

One would think that there was honor among people who fuck other people for a living, but Ms. Daniels has decided to splay all of her goods wide open for the viewing public to see.  One must feel awful for Melania, of course, who will learn the details of what Donald said about her during that awful year she was too motherly to have sex with.  Barron too, is a victim here as he is fated to discover that his father is flawed.

And then there are the people who voted for Trump, who put their faith, many quite literally, in his goodness.  They won’t actually give a shit.  But they will have to answer some embarrassing questions about how a blow job by President Clinton was impeachable, but serial infidelity is now okay.  Morality is relative they’ll no doubt answer over the howls of the irrational moralists of the left, center and not so far right as to be quite insane.

In truth, all of the attendant sound and fury about this tell-all will be about jealousy.  How does one man get to marry a beautiful supermodel like Melania and yet also have a wild affair with porn legend Stormy Daniels and also achieve the Presidency of the United States (Electoral College)?  Even Vladimir Putin, one of the richest men in the world and incredibly popular strongman of Russia, cannot claim to have slept with two such beautiful women.  All the shirtless horse rides in the world can’t make up for that deficiency.  Advantage Trump!!

The details of their sex together will be exactly what the people who put their faith in him deserve.

In the reality show that Trump imagines this presidency to be, I wonder who Melania will have revenge sex with?  Paul Ryan?  Chuck Schumer?  Joe Giudice?  Maybe Wicked will buy the rights.